It reads like one of those ambitious, great-ideas fanfictions written by a painfully young person. Acceptable grammar, cool premise, needs serious editing.
This is, at best, a first rough draft, and it is a real pity that it was published as is. There are other issues (Mary Sue, general shallowness, a judgemental omniscient POV that is a stand in for the author's opinions), but they are not real drawbacks from what could have been a solid 3 stars comfort read, so if there was an editing team on this publishing house, they did this work a serious disservice.
Because I'm a sucker for this type of adventures, I'm still reading, and can say that the worst of the bloating gets a bit pared down by book three. Quality of writing is still the same, but it's neater.
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 - Lina J. Potter)
